I dreamed that I came up on a brown panther while walking through the woods. The elusive beauty was sitting upright in a tree, several feet above me, gazing calmly, the way cats do. They can stare at you blankly while planning your death, the only telltale sign of your demise from a gently swaying tail, as the rest of the body remains a frozen mass of fast-twitch muscle. However, she did not wield the posture of a predetermined pounce. She was calm.
It definitely triggered my flight or flight response, stopping me in my tracks, holding my breath to determine my next actions. Move first, and I’ll certainly become prey.
We stared at each other until I felt her demeanor in a way that offered peace. She was a guardian, showing me her presence. I thought it rude to engage or disturb her in her own house. I delivered a breath of confidence for her to inhale my innocuous gratitude. We nodded in recognition.
I walked with a faceless friend, following with an air of comradely. It’s possible it was a spirit guide, as I am often alone. Then again maybe it was another version of myself, the way dreams go. Anyone else would have been a liability in this situation, but I didn’t feel like I needed to manage anybody else’s behavior or response, or protect them, like I’m prone to do. Nor did I feel like that person was there to protect or help me. This was mine.
I am used to vivid dreams, but I have to lie there quietly once I’m awake in order to remember the details. A deep and uninterrupted sleep allows me a night of REM cycles that allow for these dreams. Those are rare. Each morning I am awoken by a demanding dog that requires me to jump into action like a crying child ready for attention and breakfast. Even more demanding are my nights riddled with the anxieties of a steep, treacherous path dropping from what I thought was a beautiful flowered meadow in which to rest. Everything I carefully planned and curated disappeared in a flash, like a beautiful enveloping fog safely cocooning me, being abruptly burned off by a tragic lightning strike, leaving my clothes and skin fried. Somehow I am left standing alive, but naked and vulnerable.
It was later that morning during moving meditation that the dream came back to me. I saw her in the tree and stopped to let her fortitude and grace wash over me once again.
It’s possible that my allure has reflected cougar, but that flash of humor made way for the realization that the panther is a powerful and ancient totem. Eagles have generally come to me, but this large cat embodies ferocity and valor. These are the qualities I have recently wielded while saving myself from the bubbling, erupting volcanic landslide that I irrationally stepped in front of while trying to be a heroine.
The panther reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks that are simply a matter of deciding and doing. So she represents using that system of more than 500 voluntary muscles of the physical, mental, psychic and spiritual, to allow me to win my own battle.
Panthers are loners. Although they associate with others, they’re most comfortable by themselves and within their marked territory. They are drawn to others who are solitary. It is her secretive silent side that I will embody now in this time of growth. I will talk less so that my ability to listen will better protect me in this next phase that is unfolding. I will take her lead in being careful not to share my pearls from the start, but only offer enough to ease the curious minds, saving the best for myself.
It is this recent tragic death and period of suffering that now comes yet another rebirth. I feel rich to be gifted with so many rebirths in a lifetime. She signifies an old issue being resolved, or perhaps a longstanding wound, and with this healing comes a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of that wound. This offers me intimate connection with the great archetypal force behind it.
I felt her watching me continue down the path, technical but capable. With me I take the ability to go beyond what I have imagined, yet this time with more discipline and control. An imminent rebirth. Her medicine gives me deeper insight, and she shares with me her ability to clearly see things both up close and from a distance.
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